All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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