Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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