dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
