I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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