upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you win again, gameday.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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