Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
