So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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