He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
MIDGETS
????
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
