She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
