the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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