I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So many bounce houses so little time
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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