There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize