he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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