This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
