there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize