he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He passed out mid-signature
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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