you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
