What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
