There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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