you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
