the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I supernannyed him into submission
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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