Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
