Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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