I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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