How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
