Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize