she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
