How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
