I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
