It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
