theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
