I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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