dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize