I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
