I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
