his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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