I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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