I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
