chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He passed out mid-signature
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Still dying that you shit outside
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Drunk is a universal language darling
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
