I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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