Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
