dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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