your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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