State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
