I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
