I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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