I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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