On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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