I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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