So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
