brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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