i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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