1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You need Xanax blowdarts
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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