Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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