Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
