I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
