with your own penis?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
