So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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