Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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