hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
