Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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