Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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